So, it seems that Shawn Chacon, he the owner of a lifetime 4.98 ERA and 43-58 W-L record thinks he’s just THAT DAMN GOOD!  To be honest, I researched his statistics and was impressed with the 35 saves he notched with the Colorado Rockies in 2004, but then saw his ERA (7.11) that reminded me of Slurpees and Indian men named Apu and instantly lost that loving feeling.  Whoa… whoa.  In any case, Chacon has put aside the reality of his statistics and has chosen to wear the number ONE on the back of his Houston Astros jersey.  Bwhahahaha!  So, exactly what are you saying, Mr. Chacon… hmmm?

Chacon is one of two MLB pitchers that wear single digit jersey numbers, the Toronto Blue Jays’ Josh Towers being the other.  Towers’ numbers aren’t much better than Chacon’s, but at least he wears the number seven (as in that should really be his spot in the starting rotation… and, yes, I know there’s normally only five spots).  But, at least he doesn’t have the AUDACITY and co-ho-knees to think he’d ever be NUMBER ONE like Chacon does!

Let’s go back in history, folks.  I believe that the last MLB pitcher to wear the number one jersey was Matt Young of the 1990 Seattle Mariners, but don’t quote me on this as this STR8 H8 post lacks any sort of quality assurance steps in its making.  In any case, that year, Young ended up with a 8-18 W-L record.  This does not bode well for Chacon, does it?  But, to be fair, Young also ended up with a 3.51 ERA and 176 K in 225.1 innings pitched… oh wait, I’m supposed to be hating on this post.

So, to you, Shawn Chacon, I challenge you to have your performance match your brazen pomposity in deeming yourself NUMBER ONE!  You, sir, are no Luis Castillo, Bengie Molina, or Akinori Iwamura… TRUE champions of the number one jersey.

Nice guy disclaimer: Please do not take anything I say in STR8 H8 seriously as I’m only kidding and bored; Normal “me” disclaimer: EFF off if you can’t take a joke, loser!