With the Minnesota Twins and Detroit Tigers extra-inning division game nail-biter in the books, we now know the eight playoff teams. With that, here’s a Gear Live exclusive detailing exactly what is going to happen in each respective league in the 2009 MLB playoffs. Some may shock you, but it’s all true, so pay attention.

In the National League, the St. Louis Cardinals and their best three-man rotation in baseball, led of course by Chris Carpenter and his near-unanimous “Comeback Player of the Year” award; will make short work of the Los Angeles Dodgers lineup. The St. Louis starters will each flirt with perfection, but L.A. will manage to score three measly runs in the three game series; one per game. Each run will be come via a solo blast by Manny Ramirez, still trying to show the baseball world that he can ruin anything special that baseball has to offer. The other series will be much the same, with the Philadelphia Phillies starting Cliff Lee in three games against the Colorado Rockies, just to see if he can finally prove that he actually is better than Roy Halladay. He’ll win two, but it will take a group effort for Philadelphia to clinch the divisional series.

The American League will be quite different. The Boston Red Sox and the Anaheim Angels will create one of the most exciting AL Division Series in recent memory, with plate discipline, pitch control, and, yes, fan interference deciding things. Clay Bucholz will find that long-lost strike zone, he just won’t find the catcher’s mitt, as Kendry Morales will take him out for not one, but two grand slams in the series, helping the Angels to two of their three wins necessary to move forward. The third victory will come with a precious 3-2 lead in the bottom of the ninth in Boston, with David Ortiz up and a runner on first. Ortiz will send one into the night in right-center where a fan will reach into the field of play to catch the ball, but video replay will determine that the fan caught the ball in a position that results in an automatic double. Jason Bay will then strike out like he always does. As for the New York Yankees/Twins series, of course New York will take Game 1, greedily (although they will call it ‘strategically’) playing the Twins after last night’s draining affair with Detroit. However, Minnesota will come back with a vengeance, riding a rested group into Yankee Stadium on Friday night, where they will take advantage of the jet stream out to right field with five “cheapies” to win 5-0 over A.J. Burnett, who will seemingly do everything he can to lose it. The Yankees’ frustrations will continue by dropping the next two easily.

In the NLCS, Albert Pujols and Ryan Howard will go bomb-for-bomb, but the Phillies will win their way back to The Show to defend their World Series title, as Howard’s blasts will be worth more, thanks to Chase Utley’s ability to get on base ahead of him. In the ALCS, the Angels will dominate a sweep of the Twins, due to the latter’s depleted energy and cold October stadium. Not even Joe “I’m always on base” Mauer could find the sweet spot against Los Angeles’ own Joe, Joe Saunders, as well as against fellow “J’s” in Jered Weaver and John Lackey. On the other side of the frame, ten RBI each from Bobby Abreu and Torii Hunter alone will make easy work of Minnesota as Los Angeles earns the right to face Philadelphia in the 2009 World Series.